Current Concerns:Missing You

Thank you again for your prayers and emotional support. The past few days have been arduous to say the least. The Stocks and I have traveled from their home in the south of Pakistan all the way to the Himalayas in the north. During the 30 hour train trip, I became sick with mouth sores that made me unable to eat, talk, or sleep easily. Once we arrived, I found that I had also come down with a stomach bug which tied my stomach in knots and forced me to stay near a bathroom at all times. Everyone here at the international mission school in Murree have been more than kind. One woman gave me some vitamins and salve for my mouth, another allowed me to sleep all afternoon on her bed.
Over the past two days or so, I have slept as much as I have been awake and physically I feel dramatically better. I am able to eat, talk, smile, and sing (something I missed very much.) Still, I feel very drained emotionally and physically. I found this afternoon that I retired to a bed for a four hour nap as much from emotional withdrawal as from physical exhaustion. I find myself to be easily brought to tears by witnessing the loving families here and the pride everyone has over the graduating class. I am moved by the familiar praise songs, (Give us Clean Hands, Be Thou My Vision etc). And the background sound of various people speaking in German is music to my ears. Suffice to say, I am hungry for the familiar and the secure; I miss the warmth of established, familial friendships; tears leak out when I am reminded of school, of family, of home.
And yet, as one of the young missionaries who had graduated from Murree two years ago pointed out very astutely, God is home. Unless we can find our satisfaction and rest in God, we will never find “home” no matter where we are. And unless we can recognize our spiritual family in the members of His body, we will never truly have the depth of relationship which we long for and need. I must find my home in God. And as for the friends who are now far away, a wise friend of mine told me before I left that the distance between me and God is zero and the distance between God and every other believer is zero. Therefore, the distance between me and those I love is also zero. I pray that God will teach me to rest in the shadow of His wings and find my peace in His presence. I pray that He will teach me to find support and fellowship in whichever of His children are near me here and now.
One funny thing about being here in Murree and feeling homesick is that the people here already feel so uncannily familiar. Since we are here for the graduation of the senior class, many whole families have come to celebrate. Seeing these intergenerational families who have grown up together in ministry as their children have grown up together in boarding school reminds me so much of Family Camp 2 at Camp Hebron. Moreover, the people here are just the kind of people I enjoy and trust. These families minister all over Pakistan and originate from all over the world, Germany, Australia, Korea and Great Britain being the largest countries of origin. I am surrounded by various beautiful accents, languages, and backgrounds, one common denominator, however, being their colorful, loose-fitting Pakistani clothes. The youth are vibrant and creative. In the two days I’ve been here I’ve had the pleasure to watch a production of Agatha Christi’s “An Appointment with Death”, a band performance, a choir performance, and to walk the halls lined with art and science projects. Seeing these families gives me a feeling that is like having dejavu, or having a word on the tip of your tongue. I feel recognition and affection, but when I look closer, I find that the person is a stranger and they do not know me as I feel I know them.
Please keep me in your prayers, especially next Saturday and Sunday as we will be taking the train back down to Mirpurkhas. I am afraid of a rebound of the physical symptoms I am only just recovering from. Please pray for me to find rest from my culture shock and relief from my loneliness. I love you and pray for you as you are often on my mind. Thank you for your faithful love.