Taking Stock

I am beginning to turn my thoughts toward the flight home and my return from Pakistan. It is hard to believe that I’m over half way through my trip and that soon my seven weeks will be over. Pat and Jodie have also expressed surprise that I will so soon be leaving. Jodie said that she thought I was staying until mid August, long enough to go with them on their family vacation in Hunza. I find myself quite sincere in assuring them that I wish I was staying. Though I well remember the intense homesickness and physical struggle of my first three weeks in Pakistan, now that I have adjusted into a level of comfort with the culture, lifestyle, and local people, I can truly appreciate being here. I fear that I will not be able, in the three weeks remaining before I fly away, to fully gain a sense of the Pakistan and the roles of missionaries here.

Most of the traveling and village visiting that I have experienced happened early in my trip while I was ill from jetlag and cocksacki. For the past week and a half that I have been feeling healthy and enthusiastic, my time has been spent helping out with the daily activities of the Stock home (home-school, cooking, going to the aerobics class Pat teaches, visiting the families who live nearby, going to the bazaar, etc.) It has been very comfortable and pleasant but I am eager to go to more rural villages, meet non-Christians, learn more of the local language, experience a celebration, and explore the various roles of missionaries in this location. I feel that this is a tall order for three weeks. I’m afraid that I will end up flying home with a sense of having leaving half undone the work I’d set out to do.

I wonder if I have accomplished my goals. I came to serve the Stock family and the people of the Sindh to the best of my currently limited abilities. I came to learn about mission work, the state of countries such as Pakistan, and my compatibility with overseas conditions. I came to explore previously unimagined (by me) applications of psychology so as to clarify my graduate school and ministry hopes. I came to quiet my fears about the future and to establish a precedent of placing God’s will and way as my priority.

Have these goals been met? I brought with me three text books to read. I’ve read one chapter of each. I brought with me one novel to read; I’ve read the whole thing. Have I used my time well? Have I learned enough while over here to be ready to make the decisions that will be facing me when I get home? Am I ready to choose an interim job, to choose a graduate program, to specify my desired specialty? Am I ready to trust God in the United States where life moves so much faster and where excess options confuse discernment? I don’t know. I will just have to spend these last few weeks in Pakistan as industriously and effectively as I can and trust God for the rest.

I feel now as though I could possibly bear to live far away from my family, if the perfect school or perfect program or perfect profession happened to be located across the country or in another country. I would only ever be a plane’s trip away from my family and modern communication is so good, I would never be out of touch. But I wonder how much of this confidence comes from the fact that I feel so at home with the Stock family? Perhaps this is not a representative situation since I already knew this family, they have welcomed me into their home, and they happen to be so compatible with me.

I have become very fond of the Stock family. Pat is amazing to me. She is so consistently cheerful, laughing when others would cry with frustration. She takes so much in stride, patiently pushing through until whatever needs to happen is accomplished. She has a happy way of staying peaceful no matter how off schedule her life becomes through unexpected demands upon her time. I am always amazed at how she can find strength and motivation to start cooking a dinner from scratch at 7:00pm after spending several hours at the bazaar or after spending all afternoon leading exercise class. She blesses me by how patiently she accommodates the requests of her children and treats me with the same earnest consideration. It is as though she cares about my hopes and preferences as much as I do. She is always up for talking and laughing together, watching a movie, helping me put into action my plans, or to pray with me.

I have also grown fond of Paul, Joel, and Jodie. Paul is full of fun, his laughter and smiles and dancing around fill a room. He has an exuberant and contagious love that overflows into kissing and hugging (to Jodie), thumping on the back, pats on the head, kind words, and warm smiles as appropriate. His music inspires joy and tears according to their content. He is full of light and love as he touches the hearts and lives of those around him. His sermons are stirring and I love to discus with him the questions of the faith that most trouble me.

Joel has a soft, sweet spirit. He has a tender love for animals. You should see him cradling the family’s cats in his arms like infants as he croons cutesy baby-talk to them. He is often quiet, reading a book or working on his school, but whenever he can get his hands on a musical instrument, he pours forth recognizable strains. He painstakingly works out complicated pieces of music by copying the electric piano’s performance. His parents gave him a plastic toy saxophone that has a piano keyboard on the side and makes sounds like a harmonica. They gave it to him as a joke but Joel plays it like a pro, even accompanying the family worship services! But what I like most about Joel is his gentle, compassionate humility. While playing a cranium-like game, he lost a challenge by being the first person playing to run out of complements for himself! He may not remember tons of nice things about himself, but he never forgets to say goodnight to me by name.

Jodie is the queen of the roost. She is under four feet tall but has the rest of the family wrapped around her tiny fingers. She can spell “ostentatious” along with other equally impressive Spelling Power words, but she speaks with the childish pronunciation of the “r” sound as “awr”. She has a sharp mind for figuring out which arrangements of seats or schedule would be best to her advantage, but has not yet matured into considering what would be best for the other people in the situation. Of all the family members, it took me the longest to come to terms with Jodie. I think she reminded me a little too much of myself at her age; potent personality, articulate but immature, strong-willed until convinced otherwise. I was irked by how her parents catered to her preferences and allowed her to, at times, monopolize their attention. I was especially intolerant since Jodie seemed to ignore me entirely. Over the past week or so that I have been more involved with Jodie’s home school, I have come to interact with her more as a person and to appreciate her fire-cracker sparkle. I enjoy how she sings to herself and gets so excited about little things like how many times a tea bag can be used before it loses its flavor.

One thing is sure, I will miss this family when I leave. They hold such a sense of home for me. I hope that I have contributed something of value to them and that they will keep me in their hearts and welcome me back when we meet again. I hope that I can serve them well for the next few weeks and that I can repay to them some of the debt of love I hold for them in my heart. I pray that my time here will leave a small, positive mark on this place and this family as it has made a large, wonderful mark on me and my life.