Once Upon a Time in this Land Far Far Away...

Paul calls her “the movie star” because of her striking beauty. This woman who hosted us for dinner this evening of June 16 has thick, lustrous hair that rises and falls in dark brown and auburn cascades down her back. Her frame is tiny or opulent in all the right places, like a Barbie only shorter and softer. Her face is made of straight, elegant lines. But you hardly notice any of this compared to her eyes. Her eyes are unbelievably large and they alternately smolder when she sings and then light up when she smiles. Her smile reveals gleaming white, straight teeth which go perfectly with her silky complexion. Ask to see a picture when I get home, I have taken several so that you all will believe me when I praise her. On top of it all, she has a perky, bubbly personality, sings like an angel, and cooks like a gourmet chef.

Unfortunately for the friends who have asked me to bring them home a few Pakistani wives, this woman, 23 year old Abana, is already taken. When Abana was 16, she declared that she wanted to marry Khurram, a distant cousin of hers. There were a few problems, though. Khurram was 8 years older than she and had never shown any particular interest in her before. Incredibly, when Khurram heard of Abana’s announcement, he admitted to feeling the same way about her. Thus started an 8 year tug of war in which they struggled to gain their families’ permission for them to marry.

His family was so stubbornly against his union with Abana that Khurram even offered to defy his family and run away with her, but Abana never gave up that her future mother in law would eventually concede. Khurram’s mother was dead set on him marrying his cousin, insisting that she would be a more suitable choice and that Abana was too high spirited, not suitably respectful to her elders etc. Eventually, Khurram broke down and, just to keep the peace, agreed to become engaged to the other girl. But as the years went slowly by, Abana never let go of her insistence that Khurram would be her husband. Eventually, because he was so miserable, Khurram’s mother allowed him to break off his engagement and to pursue Abana.

Three months later, in December 2010, Khurram and Abana were finally married. As I saw in the two albums of wedding pictures, Abana was a fairy princess in a white western wedding dress and a gypsy temptress in her red and gold tribal outfit, hena curling from her finger tips up her arms. Khurram was every inch the man, uncharacteristically tall and broad, like a great bear next to her. It was quite a spectacle, a true “love marriage” as a non-arranged marriage is called.

Now they live like characters in an Indian soap opera. Unlike most newly married couples, they have not moved in with the husband’s family. They have their own home in a former missionary’s house which is several rooms large and is made of finished walls and roof. The interior is furnished in a tastefully modern style with wicker furniture, glass coffee table, and seashell-themed decorations. The have a large backyard of green grass, a vegetable garden, and a large aviary full of parakeets and love birds. The far corner of their yard is fenced off to contain goats and three baby deer. As I gaped at the elegant luxury of their home, Pat explained that they belong to an upper class family and that 30 year old Khurram has recently taken over as the head of a None Governmental Organization (NGO) called SSEWA-Pak which does development work in rural areas. Their marriage sure seems to have a happily-ever-after ending. One thing is for sure, when a romantic-comedy/bollywood movie comes out based on their life, I want to see it!

By the way, I should point out that their experience is as uncommon here as the plot of Sweet Home Alabama is unusual in the states. Usually girls are married when they are 13-16 years old and the boy isn’t much older than that. Most people here cooperate with marriages arranged by their parents to people they’ve never met. In fact, one tradition at weddings is to weep and wail as the car takes the poor newly wed couple away. Usually the new wife moves in with her new husband who is still living with his parents (and the rest of the rest of his extended family who share the house.) Usually the girl is so homesick that she travels back to her family’s home every week or so for the first year while she tries to adjust to a new place, new family, and a new man. Khurram and Abana are a happy exception to the general rule. Hopefully they will stay happy and not follow in the footsteps of the domestic unrest and divorce that is so rampant in the US.